I'd Be Obliged To A Sniper Right Now

Yeah, yeah, neglecting updates, boo hoo. Here are some links to all the ZPs and XPs I haven't mentioned yet.

Machine of Death is now available! It got all the way to the top of the Amazon book charts by simple expedient of getting everyone to buy it on the same day. Why didn't I think of that? Anyway, it's too late to contribute to the sordid Amazon chart manipulation but you should still pick up a copy 'cos it's dead good. And my story's in it.

Speaking of my stories, Mogworld has now officially sold out of its first printing. This is good news for me. Probably less if you're still waiting for a copy, but the second printing should be underway even as I type this. I have spoken to the Dark Horse bods about a digital version and an audiobook, but while lacking any dates I can definitely say they're in the works.

And after an unfortunate bout of illness, and Yug rather obstinately wanting to stay on some mysterious regular schedule known to him alone, Yahtzee's Trivia Night is returning to the Mana Bar next Tuesday (November 2nd) after a solid month of absence. Can't say it hasn't been nice having my weekends free, not having to make a quiz and all, but it's always nice to shout people down from a position of authority, so do show up to join the fun. As always team registration is at 6:30 with kick-off at 7. But you should definitely try to be there as soon after opening time (5pm) as possible, because my musky animal magnetism always seems to fill the place up.

Finally, I asked this on Twitter but no-one seemed to know what I was talking about, so I'm posting it here because it's driving me mad. There's this thing that really good improvisational comedians and actors can do where they appear to be speaking in a specific foreign language but are in fact making up complete gibberish on the spot. The Swedish Chef arguably does it with Swedish. John Cleese does it with German while pretending to be a ranting Hitler in the 'North Minehead by-election' sketch from Monty Python. Danny Kaye's character in The Court Jester does it several times with several languages in a fairly early scene to show off his repertoire. There was a game in Whose Line Is It Anyway called Foreign Film Dub where the cast would speak gibberish that sounded like a particular audience-suggested language. Hopefully this creates a clear image of what I'm talking about that the Twitter character limit prevented.

The thing is, I know there's a special term for this ability but I can't for the life of me remember what it is. It's not pidgin - that's a blend of two languages. It's not glossolalia or xenoglossy, that's just plain old regular gibberish that isn't intended to resemble a particular foreign language. If you know what the term (it might be a two-word term) for this is, please post it in the comments before I eat my own face.

Heir to the duchy of Nukemberland

This week's ZP was Dead Rising 2.


And XP was about Halo Reach.

"It's adequate, that's all. Mediocre. Halo remains what it has always been to me: strictly rent-only - at best. But in the interest of clarifying my position, here are some more reasons why it didn't set my pants alight."

This concludes the digest of the week. Today (Saturday) is the special Duke Nukem Forever event at the Mana Bar. I've worked out some questions for Randy Pitchford and Steve Gibson for the presentation at around 6pm and personally, I'm quite looking forward to seeing what, exactly, 3D Realms were doing with all that time, besides sticking liquorice twizzlers up their arseholes, then pulling them out and licking them for some illicit sexual thrill.

Cap in hand

Remember when I said I intended this blog to be a complete and timely digest of everything I put on the internet? Those were fun, innocent days, weren't they. The fact is I'm so burnt out these days from my multitude of creative projects that it's hard to summon the energy. Today alone I have to meet my target for making ZP images, write half of next week's XP column, have a meeting with my fellow Mana Bar directors, write another two pages of the first draft of my second novel, play a decent amount of whatever game I'm reviewing next week and see if I can squeeze in some work on one of my hobby game design projects. And creative writing isn't like data entry where you just knock it out while listening to Smash Mouth on your MP3 player. My brain can only produce so much between meals and caffeine intakes.

But I've just downed my morning cappuccino so hopefully I can get it together long enough to update you on everything I should have mentioned earlier. For example, there's last week's Zero Punctuation, which was for Amnesia: Dark Descent.


Secondly, there was yesterday's Extra Punctuation, which was also for Amnesia: Dark Descent.

"Also, incidentally, Clock Tower 3 contains some of the most spastic character animations I've ever seen in a game. In some cutscenes people throw absolute fits while conversing with each other. It's like they stuck all the motion capture balls on an octopus in an electric chair."

And finally this week's ZP, which was the latest of the serially adequate Halo series, Halo Reach.


There's also something quite exciting going on at the Mana Bar soon, on Saturday the 16th. If I were to say the words 'Randy Pitchford' and the words 'CEO of Gearbox' and also the words 'demoing Duke Nukem Forever for the first time in Australia in a public venue', you might find a subtle hint somewhere in those words as to the nature of the event.

WAKE UP

Update your damn site, Yahtzee, you lazy cunt. You don't even have to think of anything witty if you're so tired. Fine, last week's ZP was Metroid: Other M. It's shit.


And there was a special bonus video this week I did for the Video Game Voter's Network. It's not shit.


Now leave me alone, I'm having a sleep.

Happy end in

Some people have already been asking if I'm going to write a sequel to Mogworld. In brief, no. Those of you who have already read the book will know that the ending most definitely does not leave it open for a sequel. You know, when I said these very words on Twitter, some people complained that I was spoiling. So now it's a spoiler to say that a story has an ending? Are we all so bloody postmodern that this is no longer a given?

I am working on my second book, but it's not a sequel to Mogworld. It's going to be somewhat different fare. Still humour-oriented, but less gaming references. I'm trying to spread my wings, alright? There is a link to Mogworld in that it shares a couple of characters, but really it's a completely different story, this time not taking place in a non-existent fantasy realm. Except the standard one that all fiction takes place on, perhaps.

Anyway, speaking of endings, that was the subject of Extra Punctuation this week.

"The ending is important because it's the last thing the audience takes away, and this isn't secret insider storytelling lore, this purports to be common knowledge. Stand-up comedians are always advised to end the set with their best joke. Movie DVD extras will often include an alternative ending, and very rarely an alternative scene from forty-five minutes in. So why, since everyone knows endings are important, have I played so many games with incredibly disappointing endings lately?"

And continuing the theme of endings, here's the end of this update. Bye.

Amazon is run by chimps

What was this week's Extra Punctuation about? Why, I believe it was about shooters, and one shooter in particular:

"I stand by the point of my joke review, and the point I made more overtly way back in my GDC '08 videos: There is absolutely nothing the developers can put out that will be in the slightest bit worth the wait. The advantage of vaporware, after all, is that you can never be disappointed by it. Hype and anticipation is like Schroedinger's Cat; everything's fine until the subject actually gets released and then the waveform collapses. Nothing can possibly improve upon what your imagination furnishes, with the obvious exception of Silent Hill 2."

And what was this week's Zero Punctuation about? Why, I believe it was about Mafia 2.


Now, Mogworld is doing quite healthily in the world book market, apparently, but a lot of people have been complaining to me about Amazon. Apparently Amazon is still stuck in some kind of incredulous timewarp and doesn't believe that the book's actually been released, and some people are being asked to wait almost unreasonably long periods of time for their copies of Mogworld. The thing is, if you complain to me about it, you are basically complaining to the pig because your sausages were undercooked. I know my name is on the front of the cover in big fat serifed letters, but I've got nothing to do with distribution and sales or anything to do with Amazon. If you are dissatisfied with their service, then complain to them. Repeatedly. With sticks.

Pain and pinch

You'll no doubt be ecstatic to hear that the Mogworld launch at the Mana Bar went very well. When I left at around 8:30 we'd sold all but 8 of the 100 copies we had in stock, and I'm going to assume forthrightly that the rest all got shifted after I left and people had a few more drinks. The exclusive group of people who now actually possess and have read / are reading Mogworld has grown significantly. When will YOU be joining this elite category?

Anyway, this week's ZP covered the absolutely unforgivably bad Kane & Lynch 2. Whoops! Spoiled it.


Also, here's a link to yesterday's Extra Punctuation, because I forgot. It's about Hideo Kojima and his terrible mistreatment of titties.

"In Metal Gear Solid 1 and 2 women only really existed to die some mawkishly tragic death at some point, with the closest things to romance in the series taking place largely between men, but this is no worse than, say, most action movies. And it's considerably more progressive than a lot of stuff that comes out of Japan, the country where sex crime is the foundation of the entertainment industry."