That Most Talkative Jam

So you may have noticed I've done a bit of rearranging on the front page. Steer your eyeballs portside and you'll note there's a new link for the Jam audiobook. Basically that was the announcement. Hey! The audiobook version of my second novel, Jam, is now available from iTunes and Audible.com! A lot of people were asking about it and we got it out just in time for the holidays. It's my classic tale of an alternative apocalypse, fully unabridged and read by my good friend myself, published by Open Book Audio just like Mogworld was. Click the big image below if you consider the sidebar button beneath you.

Also, here's a link to the Amazon page in case you're not interested in the audio version but were suddenly reminded that you need to pick up a Kindle or physical copy of Jam, and who could blame you.

I might as well also use this post to mention that I may have another announcement soon. I'm working on another game with Game Maker, and am thinking of putting out a beta version sooner rather than later to get some feedback, then using that feedback to make a larger, final version to try putting out for actual money. Ho yes, now that I'm a fully grown up and mature professional creative I'm starting to realise that perhaps I should endeavour to find some compensation for time frittered away on solo game projects. Watch this space.

Splash back

Hello! I'm still alive! Here's a video Gabriel and I did in which we play Flashback very badly.

That's A Panelling

Ahoy there, occasional readers. As some of you may know, the Escapist Expo is coming up again (October 4-6th in Durham, NC just like last time) and I'm going to be flying all the way out there again for it. But I'm not going to be there just to sit in a tree cupping myself, ho no, I've got panels to do.

There's a full list of scheduled panels now been put up here, which you should definitely check out in full 'cos there's a lot of neat stuff I'm going to miss 'cos I have to go be sparkling somewhere else, but since this is my blog that you're still psychotically checking regularly for updates that never seem to come, here's a list of just the ones I'm on. Hope to see y'all there.


The Escapist Q&A
You get to ask all of the Escapist contributors whatever you want. This Q&A session will start with a few introductions, but then we’ll jump right into handing the mic over to you to ask your heart’s desire. Why doesn’t Yahtzee wear his hat anymore? What does Jim think about sandwiches? Does Lisa Foiles wear boxers or briefs? Now’s your chance to ask! (We will be having three sessions of this Q&A over the weekend so don’t worry if you miss one.)

Participants:
Yahtzee Croshaw
Bob Chipman
Gavin Dunne
Dan Epstein
Chris Pranger
Lisa Foiles
Mark J Kline
Graham Stark
Paul Saunders
Jim Sterling
Greg Tito

Location: 
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date:
Fri, Oct 4, 2013 3:00 PM
Sat, Oct 5, 2013 3:00 PM
Sun, Oct 6, 2013 3:00 PM


How to Create an Online Cult, er, Following
The internet is a fickle mistress, but when plied with social media and shameless plugs, she can bring great success. The internet celebrities discuss how they’ve expanded the reach of their empire through the use of self-promotion. Or how it all kind of just happened by an enormous stroke of luck.

Participants:
Graham Stark
Paul Saunders
Yahtzee Croshaw
Joshua Ovenshire
Greg Tito

Location:
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date:
Fri, Oct 4, 2013 10:30 AM


The Hour of Love 2 – The Revenge
Say something positive about quick time events. Go! Last year we asked the audience to come up with short, one phrase topics, and present them to Jim Sterling and Yahtzee, forcing them to express anything good about the subject. Dr. Mark would then judge the two notorious curmudgeons to see if they were able to be as loving as possible. We’re bringing back the format for this Expo, so please bring your dastardly trap-topics. Please, no one mention Aliens: Colonial Marines.

Participants: 
 Yahtzee Croshaw
Mark J Kline
Jim Sterling
Greg Tito

Location:
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date:
Fri, Oct 4, 2013 4:30 PM


The Big Picture Quiz Show with MovieBob & Friends
MovieBob will test the knowledge of his fellow Escapists with a one-of-a-kind quiz show! We've picked the contestants, Bob is holding the questions - most culled directly from the over 150 episodes of “The Big Picture”... but YOU get to help decide which category the questions will come from! Movies, Comics, TV, Games, the power is in your hands. PLUS! If none of our esteemed contestants can answer a question, a lucky audience member might get a chance to try and maybe win a fabulous prize!

Participants:
Yahtzee Croshaw
Lisa Foiles
Chris Pranger
Graham Stark
Bob Chipman

Location:
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date:
Sat, Oct 5, 2013 12:00 PM


No Right Answer – The Escapists DebateThere’s nothing quite like demanding people to state their opinion on meaningless pop-culture items. Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, Bob “Movie Bob” Chipman, Graham Stark, Chris Pranger, and Dan Epstein join forces for what could possibly be the greatest series of debates since the dawn of time. We’ll start out using fan suggestions to debate in the style of the wildly popular “Who Would Win?” episodes of No Right Answer. Then the main event; A feature debate where panelists split into teams, and tag in when they have a killer point to make. If you’ve ever wanted to see Yahtzee and Movie Bob get into a shouting match, you’re welcome to attend and watch the magic unfold.

Participants:
Bob Chipman
Yahtzee Croshaw
Graham Stark
Dan Epstein
Chris Pranger

Location: 
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date:
Sat, Oct 5, 2013 4:30 PM


The Most Wonderful Games We’ve Never MadeGame designers talk about the best game ideas they had that never got made, for one reason or another. Or the game they've always wanted to make, but never did. Or, the game they heard about someone else making that never surfaced. There will be a lot secrets divulged, skeletons dug up, and bad ideas left to dry.

Participants:
Yahtzee Croshaw
Richard Dansky
Randy Greenback
Jonathan Bolding

Location:
DCC Meeting Rooms 3-4

Date:
Sun, Oct 6, 2013 10:30 AM


Game of the Year
2013 may not be over yet, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start talking about our favorite game of the year. What title should hold the honor? Is it a shooter? An RPG? Or should we surprise everyone and give it to Madden? The panel will discuss what they think about the games they’ve played this year and nominate their early pick for Game of the Year.

Participants:
Yahtzee Croshaw
Jim Sterling
Gavin Dunne
David Moss
Andrea Rene

Location:
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date:
Sun, Oct 6, 2013 12:00 PM


Your Game Idea is Bollocks/Brilliant – Pitch It Anyway
You think you got a great idea for a video game? Come to the panel and pitch it to our illustrious panel of game developers and critics, and we’ll tell you whether you are a crazy son of a bitch or a game design genius. There’s no middle ground - it’s either bollocks or brilliant. You have 30 seconds to explain your game idea, so make it count!

Participants:
Yahtzee Croshaw
Jim Sterling
Chris Hazard
David Moss
Greg Tito

Location: 
Fletcher Hall at the Carolina Theatre

Date: 
Sun, Oct 6, 2013 4:30 PM

What Passes For Normal

Oh blimey it's been a while since I uploaded an adventure game LP video. In this case it's because Gabriel picked a CD-ROM DOS game from the mid-90's, one of those ones that are notoriously hard to play on modern PCs because they're held together with chewing gum and hope, and I understand he had a devil of a time recording the thing.

But his loss is our two-faced back-handed gain. Yes, it's Normality, a hilarious game about a complete tosser wandering around fighting an oppressive future society which is, in many ways, not oppressive enough.

And Incidentally

Time for a super-secret DVD bonus extra that only readers of my personal blog will discover. In case you missed this week's Rhymedown Spectacular, you can see it here. My contribution this week was a poem highlighting the inherent absurdity of a console, a luxury item trying to persuade us to buy it, being a long list of 'can'ts', you can't play old games, you can't play without an account etc.

Originally the poem was more of a dig at the Xbox One specifically, but the day after I wrote it, the huge Microsoft DRM backtrack happened, so I had to hurriedly reword some bits and delete two verses to make the poem more about addressing the general issues that all the consoles have to greater and lesser degrees.

But for the record, here are the two verses I cut:

You can't play games that were bought second-hand

And you can't play games that you borrow

And you can't complain that this causes you pain

'Cos we're running a business, y'know

You can't play unless there's an online connection

And a fast one at that – in your house

And you can't play unless it checked in today

Like a needy emotional spouse

Wow, lucky I did cut those, Microsoft might have brought arson charges against me if I'd unleashed burnsauce that potent.

Poetry Corner

So if you're wondering where I've been lately, it's been mainly juggling projects. Projects such as new video series. New video series such as this one:

The Escapist : Jim & Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular : A Tale of Two Poets

If you enjoyed my FTL poem and that one ZP I did yonks ago entirely in limericks, you should realise that writing within a rhyme and rhythm structure is something that seems to hold appeal for me. So I wanted to flex it a bit, and when the Escapist mentioned they were looking into starting some new video content, I ran the FTL video past them. Well, it turns out Jim Sterling (of Jimquisition) was thinking along similar lines, so now we're doing a weekly poetry slam, on whatever video gaming topics come to mind.

The other thing that appeals to me about the concept is that it can be done a lot quicker than a Zero Punctuation, so I can be a bit more topical with the humour. Ho yes, I'll never be caught short by a news trend again. Last thing I need is something like Margaret Thatcher dying and me not noticing.

A Wealth Of Stealth

Yes, Gabriel and I did another LP to celebrate him not ejaculating into any more handbags since the last one. This time it's Operation Stealth, by Delphine Software, who also did the lovely Future Wars.

American viewers may be more familiar with this game under the title James Bond: The Stealth Affair, since for some reason the American version had the actual James Bond license while everywhere else got a thinly disguised version. Perhaps this only seems strange to me living in a new, internet-fueled age of globalisation. Maybe Ian Fleming's estate was planning on releasing a shitty adventure game of their own, but were planning to withhold it from the US because an American widdled on their cat.

Eff Tee Ell

Some necessary background: FTL: Faster Than Light is an indie game on Steam in which you have to manage a spaceship's crew and power functions as it makes its way to home base to warn of a coming rebel fleet. It's very absorbing and I've been playing it a lot lately. Recently I wrote a poem about it. Here it is.

didn't sleep well

Go to www.teamfortress.com. There's an image at the top of the page showing the 9 different characters. When you mouse over each character they become highlighted, indicating that they can be clicked on to go to their profile page.

And if you very slowly move the mouse cursor from one character to another, you'll find there's a tiny little gap as you cross from one character to the next. A brief moment when both characters become de-highlighted. Like there's a little channel separating the hotspots. This happens everywhere where one character's graphic joins another.

BUT.

There is one exception: the join between the Scout and the Soldier. If you mouse over and highlight the Scout and slowly scroll over to the Soldier, or vice versa, one highlights and the other simultaneously de-highlights. There is no separating border where both become de-highlighted.

If you mouse over the Scout and move to the Pyro, the gap is there. If you mouse over the Soldier and move to the Engineer, the gap is there. If you mouse over any other character and move to its next-door neighbour, every single time, there is a gap. It's just between the Scout and Soldier where there is no gap. It is impossible to position your mouse between them without highlighting either.

WHAT

DOES

THIS

MEAN

Merlin' In A Winter Wonderland

Merry Christmas, viewers. Here's a present for you: Gabriel finally managed to dislodge his thumb from its usual comfort zone (up his butt) to record a gameplay video of Young Merlin. Then we jabbered over it, as is our funny little way, for the benefit of any other total saddoes who have nothing better to do throughout the Christmas season than watch Youtube videos.

The game turned out to be a bit slow and backtracky, so our conversation had a slightly unfortunate tendency to drift back to cocks a lot.

UPDATE 23/12: Things only gets worse in part two!

UPDATE 26/12: Events shudder messily to a climax!

Green X And Com

The above image of a random recruit in X-Com: Enemy Unknown comes courtesy of Jacob, via my email. He assures me that it came from a friend's game and that he didn't edit the name or callsign beyond what the game assigned it. So either Jacob's friend is a big fat liar, or I am officially being shouted out by the developers of X-Com. That was nice of you, developers of X-Com! Look out for my ZP review in the next few weeks! Hope it doesn't jeopardise my new career as a space marine!

Release Day

 

 Happy Jam day! My new book's now released! Let's celebrate with a toast. Toast and jam.

Strawberry Fields Forever

So, the release of my new book is very very soon. In case anyone missed it, I wrote a little survival guide to being trapped in a Jam situation for the Dark Horse blog. Here's a little taster:

Q. Is there any protection from the jam?

A. First of all, the suggestion that peanut butter might counteract the jam has long stopped being funny.

It has been observed that absorbable substances (vegetable matter, wood, organic fabrics, flesh, etc.) can be safely immersed in the jam if they are completely sealed in an unabsorbable substance (metal, stone, plastic, molten lava, etc.). Wrapping your limbs in several layers of plastic bags may provide enough protection to recover vital objects from the jam, such as prescription medication. Citizens doing so, however, must accept full responsibility for any subsequent downturn in fortune and/or bodily mass.

The only surefire protection from the jam is to remain indoors, at least one story above ground level, in a nonwooden building.

Q. I was in a wooden building, outdoors, or on the ground floor at the moment the jam arrived. What can I do?

A. You are currently dead. Since you are reading this, we would like to suggest that you resolve whatever issues of the flesh keep you fettered to the mortal realm.

For more advice to live by, click here for the full article.

How Enchanting

Let's Play. Curse of Enchantia. That is all.

And the next one will come up at around half past when we fucking feel like it. I don't know how clear I can make this but no amount of nagging on comments and Twitter will expediate new LPs because we both have other work to do and this is an indulgent side hobby at best. So shut your face.

Mogworld The Audiobook

 

THE AUDIOBOOK!

Click here to buy from iTunes!

Click here to buy from Audible!

Ho yes, this is actually a thing that is being done. Bet you thought I was hoping you'd forgotten about the promise of a Mogworld audiobook, right? That I'd been spending these quiet months sitting around in my pants eating Spotted Dick from the can? Oh ye of little faith. Actually it was Heinz Sticky Toffee Pudding. But importantly, there was a microphone set up next to my fat mouth and I recorded Mogworld between syrupy gulps.

It came to over 13 hours in length and about 1.4GB in total, it's fully unabridged and narrated by me, and let me tell you this: having to listen to thirteen hours of your own voice four or five times over for editing purposes has got to be someone's idea of an ironic Hell.

It's being published by the obliging chaps at Open Book Audio, and after a fairly lengthy approvals process it is now available on the big audiobook networks, meaning iTunes and Audible.com. But if you're one of those tiresome indie types it's also available on a few smaller networks. A full list of places that are selling it can be found on Mogworld's Open Book Audio page.

I'll answer the obvious question: no, I don't read it at Zero Punctuation speeds because that would be mental, and the audiobook format calls for a gentler, more relaxing approach than a hate-ridden 5 minute internet video. And incidentally un-learning how to talk fast was really hard and someone had better appreciate it.

Edit: Addendum:

The Big Post With All The Panels On It

Well, I've literally just arrived back from Escapist Expo, in case you were looking for an explanation for why there's no Zero or Extra Punctuation this week. It's 'cos I spent all last week in North Carolina being handsome and wonderful. Here's proof!

My Favourite Game (click here for video)

This was the first panel I was on, and the first panel of the expo, in which I, Graham Stark, Jim Sterling, Gavin Dunne and Cory Rydell discuss our favourite games. Watch as I get a bit too into talking about my extremely predictable choice.

QA With The Escapists #1 (click here for video)

With the microphone situation slightly improved, the first day closed with a basic Escapist Q&A with all the above names as well as Paul Saunders, Moviebob, Chris Pranger and Dr. Mark Kline.

Fanboyism (click here for video)

Things got heavier on my first panel of the second day as I rejoined Jim Sterling - with whom I was developing a curiously natural stage chemistry - as well as Paul, Bob and Dr. Mark to discuss fanboyism and why people are shit.

The Hour of Love (click here for video)

And here's the big one, the Hour of Love with me and Jim (and also, from half way onwards, a slightly hungover Moviebob) are forced against our will to think of something positive to say about entities suggested by the audience. I was pleased and astonished that no-one brought up that pony thing.

Other videos of other panels will be posted when the Escapist puts them up. In the meantime, I'm going to have a long sleep. Right now, on this keyboard. oesaf,.s;///////////

24 Hour Panel People

 

So things have been very busy lately partly because of the above and partly because of some things I've been working on on the quiet that I should be able to provide less vague news on very soon, but the Escapist Expo is just weeks away (specifically 2 of the buggers at time of writing) and there's still time to register, North American peeps! Also there's a facebook page you can join now, and I've been provided with a list of panels I'll be taking part in over the weekend of 14-16 September. Presumably there will be other panels that don't have me in them, but this is my blog so they're not my responsibility. Let's have a look-see:

Fanboyism

Time: Saturday, 12:00 P.M.

Location: King’s Landing

Panel: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Mark Kline, PsyD (Clinical Director, HRS, Inc, Columnist at The Escapist), Paul Saunders (Writer & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)

Description: Fanboys. We all know one, and some of us may even be one. Like it or not, “fanboyism” is a massive force in nearly all social circles, either online or as part of your local gaming group. But what’s the impact the phenomenon really has on our culture? Escape to the Movies host Bob Chipman and Jimquistion star Jim Sterling tackle the issues alongside Dr. Mark Kline, and Paul Saunders from LRR.

Hour of Love

Time: Sunday, 12:00 P.M.

Location: King’s Landing

Panel: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Chris Pranger (No Right Answer, Media Sandwich), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Mark Kline, PsyD (Clinical Director, HRS, Inc, Ask Dr. Mark)

Description: Hour of Love sets out to answer one important question: what if some of your favorite gaming critics were all put in one room and only allowed to say nice things for an entire hour? Dr. Mark Kline moderates as The Escapist contributors must all swallow their bile and think about nothing but rainbows instead.

How to Review Games

Time: Saturday, 1:30 P.M.

Location: King’s Landing

Panel: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Susan Arendt (Managing Editor at The Escapist), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)

Description: Reviewing videogames looks easy, but it takes more than just playing something and writing about it – especially if you want to keep an audience entertained. Learn the art behind the entertainment as the minds behind Zero Punctuation, Game OverThinker, and Unskippable discuss the tools they use to take games apart.

My Favorite Game

Time: Friday, 12:00 P.M.

Location: King’s Landing

Panel: Janelle Bonanno (Business Developer at The Escapist), Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Cory Rydell (Critical Miss), Gavin Dunne (Miracle of Sound), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition)

Description: Everyone has that one game that they put on a pedestal. The one game that you measure all other games against.  The Escapist contributors talk about their favorite games and why they will always compare new titles to the one game that provided the perfect mix of character, story, and skill challenge.

Q&A with The Escapists

Time: Friday and Saturday, 4:30P.M.

Location: Kings’s Landing

Panel: Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw (Zero Punctuation), Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Susan Arendt (Managing Editor at The Escapist), Jim Sterling (Jimquisition), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun), Cory Rydell (Critical Miss), Gavin Dunne (Miracle of Sound), Chris Pranger (No Right Answer), Mark Kline, PsyD (Clinical Director, HRS, Inc, Ask Dr. Mark), Paul Saunders (Writer & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)

You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers. If you’ve ever wondered how Yahtzee learned to talk so fast, why MovieBob hates Michael Bay, why Jim is banned from Konami events or if Gavin really is that bad at Call of Duty, now’s your chance to ask. Escapist staff will be pulling questions directly from the audience, so be ready to be curious.

Return of the Sequel 2

Time: Friday, 3:00 P.M.

Location: King’s Landing

Panel: Susan Arendt (Managing Editor at The Escapist), Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, Bob “MovieBob” Chipman (Escape to the Movies), Chris Pranger (No Right Answer), Graham Stark (Director & Producer at LoadingReadyRun)

Description: Every year, it seems like there’s more and more sequels out there. We’re told that merely putting a “2” at the end of a game’s title increases the chance for monetary success, but the cost is a shortage of original concepts, settings and ideas. Yahtzee, Movie Bob, Chris Pranger and Graham Stark headline this all-star panel discussing the preponderance of sequels and their influence on movies, games and culture.


That's your lot, so make notes in your diaries, attendees. I'm quite looking forward to all this, the topics sound like I can get a decent gush on, and that second one in particular should be quite the spectacle, I think. Mighty good fun this convention season lark, right readers?

No involvement by Brian Cox

What time is it? It's Let's Play Manhunter time! And apparently the reason why it took so long is because Gabriel couldn't play it for more than ten minutes at a time without falling into some kind of trance.

EDIT: And here's the second part. I'm now of a resolution to not upload any videos longer than an hour, because it feels cruel to hog more than the average person's lunch break.

A Promising Post

Oh look, another post on this blog that exists only so the blog doesn't go unupdated for another lengthy period. I'm afraid all I can do for right now is make promises that stuff is in motion. There'll be another Let's Play once Gabriel has levered himself off his fat arse to record some game footage, 'cos it's his turn.

One of the reasons I've been quiet lately is that I have been working pretty solidly on the Mogworld audio book. At time of writing I've recorded all the way up to page 181 and have been trying to get at least some recorded each day. Hopefully I'll have more news on that sooner rather than later.

I guess I've been in a bit of a creative malaise since I released Poacher. My technique for learning a new programming system is to just make a big project with it and pick things up as and when it becomes necessary, and Poacher was that project for Game Maker. And now I'm all to grips with it - I'm realising that a lot of Poacher was pretty shockingly programmed compared to the techniques I've picked up by this point - I've been groping around for a new project to seize my interest. I've a few ideas, a few prototypes, but none have really kicked in yet. And I still get new ideas all the time. I'm disturbed by how my mind keeps turning to Puppies Hugging Things. Maybe it would work as a sort of Binding of Isaac-style room-by-room fighter except from a side-on perspective OH THERE IT GOES AGAIN.

Part of it is that I'm now of a mind to stop faffing about and make a serious go at turning my solo developments into an actual source of income, so I can at least justify the stupid amounts of time I tend to sink into them. What with Steam and tablet/mobile devices it's never been a better time for the small one-to-five-dollar solo-developed indie game to get around. I've been making eyes at this Game Maker Studio thing, lately. It would, however, mean having to get around my non-existent business sense.

Nothin' much

Just a quick update to indicate that I've stuck Jam on the sidebar over there to the right, if your eyes can bear to be separated from this sentence long enough to glance at it. The book's now available to preorder from TFAW.com. Also Amazon and Amazon.co.uk, but they haven't got the box art set up yet, lazy buggers.

Also, since someone asked, no, Jam won't be out by the time of the Escapist Expo. You see, the Expo is in September, and Jam comes out in October, and October is the month that comes after September. Sorry about that.