Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Throw me a frickin' phone

Last week there was an XP on why human beings like zombies so much. Here's a quote.

"Few if any of these petty hatreds are rational. They exist because humans can't function without an enemy, something to hate, and indeed to blame for the injustices we believe we suffer. Zombies are a permanent foe. To our "us" they are eternally "them." No redeeming qualities, no moral ambiguity. I guarantee you, in a zombie apocalypse scenario, relationships within the human strongholds will be considerably more courteous than they are now. We'll reserve our hate for those rotting punks outside. They want to eat us for no good reason. What dicks."

This week's XP was a selection of short Iphone (not iPhone, learn how to capitalise properly) game reviews. Here's a quote.

The Iphone's virtually unique one-touchscreen no-buttons nature also means that games are basically forced to innovate in their controls and design. A lot of publishers have simply tried to port old 2D games like Sonic the Hedgehog or the first Prince of Persia, but they don't translate well to the format. Innovation is what gets rewarded, because if the download charts are anything to go by, there's absolutely no style of gameplay that's guaranteed to sell well. The top 25 contains shooters, physics puzzlers, platformers and whatever the hell you'd classify that Where's Wally thing as."

This was intended to follow on from last week's Zero Punctuation, which was also about Iphone games.

"I don't have a quote for this one because ZP is a video series, you dolts. Click on these words to watch the video."

I know some of you have been a little disappointed by this coverage, and now you know how I feel when faced with most of the half-arsed triple-A releases in the games industry these days. Sue me, I wanted to fill some time while WoW: Cataclysm is making every other publisher too scared to release anything that could possibly compete with it. And I genuinely think Iphone games and other small-scale indie markets are where a lot of the really interesting, cutting-edge innovation stuff is going on, while the massively advanced graphics engines of mainstream gaming produce little but big piles of indigestible overdesigned slop.

Anyway, in other news, those of you still dubious about my debut novel Mogworld's quality may wish to know that the entire first part of the book is being serialised on's technology section even as we speak. And if you find yourself enjoying that, you should be aware that most critics agree the rest of the book is even better. Have I mentioned that it would make a perfect Christmas gift?


  1. I agree with you on your disappointment. Granted, I've spent the majority this year catching up on good games that I haven't played due to just finally getting into the swing of gaming ('Deus Ex', 'Beyond Good and Evil', 'Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time', etc.), but I have played 'Metroid: Other M'- which I feel you didn't tear apart enough, but that's just my opinion- and none of the other titles this year really grabbed me.

    On the other hand, however, I thought '3D Dot Game Heroes' was pretty good.

  2. I will buy one, but right now i'm hocked on "Romance of the three kingdoms".

    In due time...

  3. Now there's a thought: Considering that WoW: Cataclysm is upon us all, is there anyone out there that Blizzard themselves are worried about?

    This is the company who provided the world's most beloved MMORPGer, gave us an RTS game that Korea embraced as a national sport and come across as seemingly untouchable.
    After all, without competition, one isn't kept on their toes, inspired to take risks or do things to stay ahead.

  4. If only we had a meshing of Indie creativity with big budget graphics... would probably get big headed and ruin it. Oh and I am wondering if your still looking for help for the "Fun Space Game: The Game" storyline?

  5. It would be an even better if it was signed by you.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Oops. Screwed up with the posting system. Sorry.

    Out of curiosity, when you said in your iPhone review that you were going to do Sonic Colors, but didn't because of the cutscenes, did you mean you weren't going to review it at all, or you were going to do it later? I can't really tell.

    Also, I find it strange that you refuse to review a game because of the cutscenes, considering the fact you reviewed MGS4.

    I'm planning to get a copy of Mogworld sometime (once I get enough free Amazon gift cards off of Swagbucks to do so)...

  8. Personally, I don't see why people would be disappointed. It's a good thing to mix things up once in a while by reviewing several smaller games rather than 1 big one. Keeps things fresh.

    Besides, Iphones have really taken off as a stand-alone gaming platform, it'd be stupid not to comment on them.

    I look forward to next weeks Farmville review.

  9. I have to confess to being disappointed with Mogworld. I saw a paperback with a zombie on the front in Waterstones, and thought it would be an ideal disposable pisspoor fantasy read for my commute during the last week of work before my Christmas break. Instead, it was witty, engaging and disgustingly brilliant. Shame on you, sir.

  10. Can I get the book from ABC Shops? I live in Melbourne.

  11. lol self referential humor
    checking the comments, it seems nobody else got it.


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