Sunday, September 26, 2010


Update your damn site, Yahtzee, you lazy cunt. You don't even have to think of anything witty if you're so tired. Fine, last week's ZP was Metroid: Other M. It's shit.

And there was a special bonus video this week I did for the Video Game Voter's Network. It's not shit.

Now leave me alone, I'm having a sleep.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Happy end in

Some people have already been asking if I'm going to write a sequel to Mogworld. In brief, no. Those of you who have already read the book will know that the ending most definitely does not leave it open for a sequel. You know, when I said these very words on Twitter, some people complained that I was spoiling. So now it's a spoiler to say that a story has an ending? Are we all so bloody postmodern that this is no longer a given?

I am working on my second book, but it's not a sequel to Mogworld. It's going to be somewhat different fare. Still humour-oriented, but less gaming references. I'm trying to spread my wings, alright? There is a link to Mogworld in that it shares a couple of characters, but really it's a completely different story, this time not taking place in a non-existent fantasy realm. Except the standard one that all fiction takes place on, perhaps.

Anyway, speaking of endings, that was the subject of Extra Punctuation this week.

"The ending is important because it's the last thing the audience takes away, and this isn't secret insider storytelling lore, this purports to be common knowledge. Stand-up comedians are always advised to end the set with their best joke. Movie DVD extras will often include an alternative ending, and very rarely an alternative scene from forty-five minutes in. So why, since everyone knows endings are important, have I played so many games with incredibly disappointing endings lately?"

And continuing the theme of endings, here's the end of this update. Bye.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Amazon is run by chimps

What was this week's Extra Punctuation about? Why, I believe it was about shooters, and one shooter in particular:

"I stand by the point of my joke review, and the point I made more overtly way back in my GDC '08 videos: There is absolutely nothing the developers can put out that will be in the slightest bit worth the wait. The advantage of vaporware, after all, is that you can never be disappointed by it. Hype and anticipation is like Schroedinger's Cat; everything's fine until the subject actually gets released and then the waveform collapses. Nothing can possibly improve upon what your imagination furnishes, with the obvious exception of Silent Hill 2."

And what was this week's Zero Punctuation about? Why, I believe it was about Mafia 2.

Now, Mogworld is doing quite healthily in the world book market, apparently, but a lot of people have been complaining to me about Amazon. Apparently Amazon is still stuck in some kind of incredulous timewarp and doesn't believe that the book's actually been released, and some people are being asked to wait almost unreasonably long periods of time for their copies of Mogworld. The thing is, if you complain to me about it, you are basically complaining to the pig because your sausages were undercooked. I know my name is on the front of the cover in big fat serifed letters, but I've got nothing to do with distribution and sales or anything to do with Amazon. If you are dissatisfied with their service, then complain to them. Repeatedly. With sticks.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Pain and pinch

You'll no doubt be ecstatic to hear that the Mogworld launch at the Mana Bar went very well. When I left at around 8:30 we'd sold all but 8 of the 100 copies we had in stock, and I'm going to assume forthrightly that the rest all got shifted after I left and people had a few more drinks. The exclusive group of people who now actually possess and have read / are reading Mogworld has grown significantly. When will YOU be joining this elite category?

Anyway, this week's ZP covered the absolutely unforgivably bad Kane & Lynch 2. Whoops! Spoiled it.

Also, here's a link to yesterday's Extra Punctuation, because I forgot. It's about Hideo Kojima and his terrible mistreatment of titties.

"In Metal Gear Solid 1 and 2 women only really existed to die some mawkishly tragic death at some point, with the closest things to romance in the series taking place largely between men, but this is no worse than, say, most action movies. And it's considerably more progressive than a lot of stuff that comes out of Japan, the country where sex crime is the foundation of the entertainment industry."

Monday, September 6, 2010

Feelin' very monochrome today

That was item one. Here's item two:

Copies of Mogworld will be available to buy from the bar for $12 each, on the night. I'll be there from 5pm. Hopefully that clarifies everything. Now I have to get back to practising my signature.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Worlds of the mog variety

Can you hear my fingers drumming in anticipation against my IKEA self-assembly writing desk? We are barely days away from the official launch of my debut novel Mogworld, a comic fantasy story about undead mobs in a sophisticated near-future MMORPG gradually realizing the true nature of their world. Also with lots of juicy violence.

And to mark the occasion, the launch party is (predictably) at the Mana Bar next week on Wednesday, September 8th, the official release date of the book and the day after quiz night. Everyone's invited and we're actually going to be selling actual physical actual copies of the actual book, before any other retailer, probably. I'll also be there to sign them (and anything else you feel like bringing in), exponentially increasing their eventual resale value. Plus they're first editions! Double trouble! Come on down at any time after opening (5pm), but move fast! We only have 100 copies in stock, and these things are going to be flying off the shelves so hard they could potentially become embedded in human skulls.

But don't despair if you're one of those fools who haven't done the smart thing and moved to Australia yet: you could be in with a chance of getting a copy of Mogworld even before then! All you have to do is get down to PAX this week, where the Escapist are giving away a limited number of copies to anyone who attends the Escapist Movie Night events, where Escapist videos such as Doraleous & Associates, I Hit It With My Axe and some rubbish called Zero Punctuation are being shown. 25 advance copies are up for grabs, just show up and enter the random draw.

Also, my tireless editor at Dark Horse, Rachel Edidin, is also at PAX, and will have a number of advance copies on her person each day to give away on a first-come, first-served basis, so go up and ask her for one. I'd tell you what she looks like but I've never met her in person. Maybe this could be a fun little detective game for you guys. Here's your first clue: I think she has short hair.

Why, there are so many ways to get a copy of Mogworld, it seems like you'd have to have learning difficulties to not have one in your possession by the end of next week. If all else fails there's always Amazon, I guess.

Oh yeah, and the results of the best Zero Punctuation ever debate are in: Duke Nukem Forever. The only review I've ever done of a game that doesn't actually exist. I really don't get you people sometimes.